


Five times Sherlock and John almost hugged (and one time they did)

by ColdeLinke



Series: 5 times + 1 [5]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst, Hugs, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-22
Updated: 2014-11-22
Packaged: 2018-02-26 15:46:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2657606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColdeLinke/pseuds/ColdeLinke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The title says it all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five times Sherlock and John almost hugged (and one time they did)

1.

"… the face of an old friend."

He looks up and sees eyes he never thought he'd see again, curly black hair that he often saw in the streets but that never belonged to the person he wanted to, glasses that had never been there before, lips forming a smile in such a peculiar way he'd recognize it anywhere.

Mary is sitting in front of him, the woman he wants to propose to, he wants to marry, to have a life with; but he's only got eyes for Sherlock now, his lost friend, coming back from death.

He doesn't know if he wants to hug him or hit him, kiss him or punch him. He struggles to get words out, he struggles to breath, it seems like the air is thin and he's forgotten what it was like to live. Did he truly not live during those two years, even when he met Mary? What does it say of his feelings for Sherlock? It says something he doesn't want to think about.

Sherlock is the same as before, and it pisses John off so much, that his friend remained the same while he died over and over again each time he dreamt. Sherlock had lived in his dreams, only to die at the end of every single one of them.

So John has no choice but to jump on him and try to strangle him. He can't kiss him — not in front of Mary, not now, maybe not ever — but he can't hug him either. Being on top of him, his hands tightening around Sherlock's throat, Sherlock's fingers caressing his, is the next best thing. In a way.

 

2.

There is a strong wind and it matches his feelings. The storm has even invaded his mind, messing with the plants in his mind palace. He swears.

He stands in front of his best friend and next to the plane he's going to take. For the first time, he knows exactly where he is going, and when he will (not) come back. The most difficult thing to do is to lie to John, because John doesn't know, John can't know that Sherlock is never coming back, that Sherlock has devoted a big part of his life to protecting John Watson, and that he is glad to die for it. If he knew, he'd get the (right) wrong impression.

"The game is never over," he says, and he thinks: "it is over, I am gone and I will not come back, the game for me will never be anymore, but you can play it, with other partners," even though it hurts to even think it.

Then, he remembers that he is not gone yet, and that he can still do the one thing he couldn't do the last time he was on his way: a last touch.

He hesitates, wants to open his arms wide open, but that's not how it works, it's not how John and Sherlock work, so instead he extends his hand, and hopes that John will take the hint, shake it and then draw him into a hug, because he doesn't have the courage to do it himself, and Sherlock knows all about John Watson's courage.

Or at least he thought he did.

 

3.

Mary's gone and John's back in Baker Street. In a way, the weight that crushed his shoulders is gone and he can now breathe easily. But it has been days and days since he has touched any human being, be it Mary or anyone else. He can feel his fingers itch with the want, his eyes are always attracted to bare skin and he stares for seconds before, ashamed, he diverts his gaze. He read somewhere that a human being needs touch to feel happy. It is true that he is miserable, but he doesn't know whether it is because of Mary or because of the lack of touch.

He's careful with Sherlock. His smiles come after a pause — was it really a joke? He goes to bed early every evening, for fear of saying or doing things he shouldn't say nor do. He goes to work, ignores the stares of pity of his co-workers, comes back to Baker Street (home) and is relieved to find Sherlock gone. Because then, he doesn't have to be on his guard, to be on the lookout for anything that Sherlock might do that would scare John, or for anything that John might say that would ruin everything. And he hates it, hates this feeling of falsity, but he can't help it, and he can't change anything.

On his third week back there, he agrees to go to the restaurant with Sherlock. Sherlock is like a puppy after that, excited and smiling as if he had a new case (he does, in a way). John goes to work and spends the whole day thinking about it, ignores the part of his mind that screams at him that this is a bad idea, and wishes that things will go back the way they were, before (before the Fall, before Mary, before).

On their way back from the restaurant, they are laughing and happy and in love (at least, John is). And he gets closer to Sherlock, and when Sherlock stops in front of the door of Baker Street, taking his keys out of his pocket, John extends his arm, uncurl his shaking fist, and reach to hug Sherlock. But the other man is gone, has opened the door and is hanging his coat. He turns back towards John with a questioning look, but John has already lowered his arm at his side.

 

4.

The thing is, Sherlock is not stupid. He's a genius, actually. And as a genius, he notices things, deduces things from said things. So whenever he sees John, back in Baker Street, or not see him, that tells him things. Things he wishes he did not see, or understand, but being a genius has its perks and its disadvantages.

He knows, for instance, that when John goes to bed early, it is because he cannot bear to spend time with someone else. He knows that the reason why John does not help Sherlock with cases anymore is because of the last case they worked on together (Mary). He knows that John cries before going to sleep and shouts during his sleep (nightmares). But he can't do anything about it, not for lack of trying.

He even asks Molly for help — but Molly doesn't really know John well enough to know how to help him. He goes on forums (despicable) and bumps into a therapist in a bar (not an accident), but everything he tries with John, everything that is supposedly successful with anyone else, is not successful with John.

When he sees John sitting in his armchair, staring straight ahead of him at nothing for several long minutes, he decides to hell with it. He approaches on tiptoes, calls John's name softly so as not to spook him, and when John looks at him, he swallows and says to himself that he is doing this for John, to help John, not for himself and not to remember every movement and breathe of it, the scent of John, the feeling of him against Sherlock. This is for John.

But John is getting up and leaving the room already, announcing his decision to go to bed, before Sherlock has the chance (courage) to hug him. And Sherlock stays in the same spot for an hour, cursing himself.

 

5.

John has decided to go back to helping Sherlock because John is feeling better. Months have passed and the ghost of Mary has faded. He still has trouble sleeping (but he did before) and sometimes he has to take deep breaths every five minutes in order to get through the day, but he is doing better.

One day, they are standing over a body, John examining it while Sherlock deduces, when John hears a voice saying that Sherlock should've stayed dead. John has to blink once, twice, has to breathe through his nose and then his mouth before the image of Sherlock falling is gone from his mind (not forever). He looks up and Sherlock is deep in his thoughts, in his deductions, has not heard the words but even if he had, he wouldn't have reacted to it, probably used to it.

John sees red. He yells at the officer, and everyone around them stares in shock, including Sherlock, who has no idea what's happened to cause such a reaction. Lestrade is the one to calm him down, and when John turns to Sherlock, he wants to break down crying or hurt someone or hug Sherlock very, very tightly because it isn't _fair_ , that someone can insult another person with no reason, can take a knife and stab someone with it, and twist it again and again until the blood has left the body of the person, and get away with it. But he can't hug him, can't hurt anyone or even cry because there is the Yard standing in front of him, and Sherlock looking at him with wide eyes. So he straightens up and grits his teeth and stands by Sherlock's side. Protecting him.

 

+1.

Once Sherlock (they) has (have) solved the case, they don't celebrate, mostly because John is still shaken (pissed off) by the event earlier. John sits in his armchair and writes on his blog and Sherlock puts a cup of tea on the table next to him and John can't even find the strength to speak, to thank him. Twenty minutes later, he realizes that he didn't write about the last case at all, but about what happened at the crime scene instead.

_If anyone has a problem with Sherlock, they can keep their damn opinions to themselves._

He closes the laptop, closes his eyes and wishes that Sherlock has not seen that. He is thankful that he had the mind to re-read what he wrote before hitting send.

"Your tea's grown cold," Sherlock's voice gets him back to reality.

He frowns and looks at Sherlock, who is standing in the middle of the living room, taking down the pictures that he put on the wall to solve the case.

"That's alright, I shouldn't be drinking tea this late anyway," he sighs, and Sherlock scoffs.

There is silence, then the sound of movement as John gets up and approaches Sherlock. On an impulse, he puts his arms around Sherlock, lays his head on Sherlock's back, and tightens his grip so that Sherlock doesn't go away.

But he doesn't, he stands there, and, after a gasp of surprise, turns around and hugs John back.

"Thank you," John says, and he doesn't just mean for the tea.

Sherlock hugs him a bit tighter, poses his head on top of John's, and breathes him in. It is his way of saying you're welcome.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there! Things that need to be said: English is not my native language and this hasn't been beta'd. Sorry about the mistakes!  
> If you have a prompt for me, please either send a comment with your prompt or send me an ask on my tumblr (cursedangelbrokenman.tumblr.com) and I'll do my best to write it!  
> Thanks to all of those who read, comment or "kudos" my work! :)


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